Ep19. Are Mixed Race People “Properly Black”? I Race, Belonging & the Politics of Proximity

Please visit our Substack for our sources, mentions and 'Rigourous Recommendations' and don't forget to subscribe if you enjoyed the episode ☺️ One of the most emotionally charged and quietly policed questions in the politics of race - a question so fraught, it’s almost unsayable: Are mixed race people “properly Black”? This time, the question’s unquestionably personal…! This isn’t just a discussion between two Black women. It’s a conversation between two queer women in love - building a life, a business, and a podcast together - while navigating complex and sometimes uncomfortable truths about race, desire, identity, and proximity. Tamanda shares what it meant to grow up mixed race in Botswana with a Black mother and a white British father - and the deep shame and silences that often surrounded her identity. From being told she wasn’t “properly Black” to the experience of not speaking the language of her homeland, she traces the painful dissonance between cultural belonging and bloodlines. Aiwan speaks with her usual candour about never imagining she’d be in a relationship with a mixed-race person. She reflects on the distrust and resentment she once held towards mixed-race people, shaped by the realities of colourism, social hierarchy, and the unspoken rules of blackness in the UK. Together, we explore how narratives of race shift across borders and generations, how identity is shaped by more than just skin tone, and why mixed identity is neither a bridge nor a middle ground - but its own terrain, shaped by history, pride, shame, and longing. -- In this episode: “You’re not properly Black”, and other wounding words that linger, even in Black-majority spaces Growing up mixed in Botswana, and the loneliness of not speaking the language The violence of white family members and the refusal to reckon with it How the politics of proximity, the violence of colourism and the deep distrust of whiteness meant Aiwan never anticipated falling for a mixed-race woman Mixed identity across borders: Botswana, South Africa, Northern Ireland, England The diversity of mixed race identities and the impossibilities of pigeon-holing and fitting people into neat boxes The “best of both worlds” narrative, and the violence and erasures it contains Why mixed race isn’t a middle ground, and what we gain when we stop pretending it is -- Chapters: 00:00 – Intro: Aiwan’s fear of offending mixed-race people 03:30 – Tamanda on family violence, identity and the politics of being mixed 08:00 – The viral reel: 'You’re not properly Black' 12:00 – On mixed race people 'riding harder' for Black issues 17:00 – Growing up in Botswana and South Africa with mixed heritage 22:00 – Language, belonging and exclusion in Black-majority contexts 27:00 – “I never met another Black person in all my three years there”: Northern Ireland and the experience of being racialised alone 32:00 – Family microaggressions and the violence of being misunderstood 38:00 – Aiwan on colourism, childhood hierarchy and Nigerian community norms 44:00 – British views on mixed race identity - from ‘yellow girl’ to ‘half-caste’ 49:00 – Permission, culture, and how white parenting shifted the rules 54:00 – Respectability, privilege, and the myth of neutrality in being mixed 1:04:00 – Internalised anti-Blackness and generational silence around race 1:10:00 – The distinctions between race and ethnicity and the complexities of phenotype and culture; passing, proving and code-switching 1:15:00 – “The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice”: How their relationship forced both hosts to re-examine assumptions 1:22:00 – Creative partnership, love, and the politics of working across difference 1:28:00 – Closing reflections: policing interracial relationships and the expressions and identifications of mixed people 📬 Get in touch: We’d love to hear from you - email us at [email protected] with your thoughts, reflections, or questions for upcoming episodes. Also available wherever you get your podcasts: Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/297stu7v Apple: https://tinyurl.com/3dtj4x4u #mixedrace #blackidentity #AreYouBlackEnough #ProperlyBlack #BlackAndMixed #RaceAndBelonging MUSIC CODE: BRGDSYKADJAXRIMZ