叱る、叱られる、が苦手な人。受け入れられない人の解説 #早稲田メンタルクリニック #精神科医 #益田裕介 / To scold and to be scolded

01:47 The Pain of Knowing 04:05 Scolding/Being Scolded 05:49 About Failure 09:25 How to Communicate Today, I'll be explaining the concepts of "scolding and being scolded." In clinical practice, there are situations where you need to be careful, even if it doesn't necessarily require scolding. From things like "this is not allowed," "this is against the rules," and "you must take your medication properly," to things like "we can't see patients outside of regular hours," "if the appointment takes too long, other patients will be waiting," "don't act violently in the clinic," "don't yell at the receptionist," and even "don't self-harm in the clinic bathroom." In addition to the many situations where you need to be careful, I'm sure you've also had experiences in real life where you scolded or were scolded. Many patients have a hard time being scolded, or can't stand being scolded. In this video, I'll explain why this is. And even ordinary people aren't good at being scolded. I'll also explain what that means. The Pain of Knowing What happens when we scold or are scolded is the "pain of knowing." We have to become aware of our own shortcomings, weaknesses, mistakes, and failures. Because these are being pointed out, it is painful. Our weaknesses are clarified or we are confronted by being pointed out areas we were unaware of. Our mind then becomes confused, and we begin to sort out what the problem was. Then, we understand and accept it, and then creatively think about what to do next. This series of processes is what we call "knowing." This pain of knowing occurs. How does pain manifest? First, it's the pain of being made aware of our shortcomings or failures. We experience feelings of humiliation, anger, and defensive reactions like denial and deception. However, as we sort through these experiences, we come to accept them. At this time, it's said that "self-reconstruction" and "framework change" occur. To reconstruct, we must break down our common sense. We must change our preconceptions. It's quite painful and time-consuming. You have to accept the hassle of having to do things a certain way because that's how things have always been done. Turning what was previously typed into Excel into a no-code app, and everything that was previously done on paper or via fax now needs to be done online. It's the same thing. You have to accept that you failed, that it was because you were clumsy, that you weren't as impressive or talented as you thought you were. But it's important to change your perspective and accept that even though you're no good, you're still a loved person in your own way. Sometimes, failing to do this can lead to failure. That's all about the pain of knowing. ■Scolding/Being Scolded What scolding or being scolded means is that the pain of knowing is inflicted on you by someone else in a shocking way. It means that you are told or scolded in a way that reflects the other person's emotions. There are certainly "good ways" to get angry and "bad ways" to get angry. Some people scold others because they think about them and trust them, but there are also people who scold based on their emotions, and people who get angry because it's not in their own interest. I think there are times when a patient gets angry because something is socially wrong but in their own interest, so they get angry, with a feeling of "you go do it." So, for patients, I think it's important to consider how the person who was scolded experienced it. How they interpret it will differ depending on whether the other person is doing it with their best interests in mind or not, or whether they are doing it based on their emotions. In the first place, they may not see the other person's background and simply interpret it as being scolded, or as being scared or unpleasant. The other is when you get angry yourself. If you are someone who gets angry without really thinking about the other person, you will assume that the other person must be angry in the same way. We tend to think this way about immature people, so when we do this, we assume that the other person is immature too, and we project ourselves onto the person who is angry and bring them down to the same level. This can lead to the misconception that someone is being extremely violent. ■About Failure The experience of forgiveness is also important. At the stages of understanding, acceptance, and creation, if a person has never apologized and been forgiven or accepted, they may be bad at being scolded or may develop an excessive fear of being scolded. This is quite difficult. I don't know if this is true in Japanese society or globally, but I think many people have a negative view of failure. Watching TV, I can see that failure and challenges are not valued, and while some say Japan was different in the past, I think this tendency exists at least in Japan today. As a result, people may not like being scolded, or may be bad at scolding themselv...