Raising connected children | Dr. Vanessa Lapointe | TEDxSurrey

NOTE FROM TED: This talk only represents the speaker's personal views and understanding of parenting, attachment, and development. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: http://storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t... In this talk, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe maintains that connection not consequences is the most powerful way to help children thrive emotionally. Through a relatable “shoe-palooza” moment, Vanessa shows how responding to stress with punishment escalates reactivity, while empathy and connection calm the nervous system and invite better behaviour. Drawing on attachment research and neuroscience, including studies on early bonding and brain development, she reframes children’s outbursts as signs of distress rather than defiance. Disconnection-based discipline may create compliance, but at the cost of emotional security. By setting clear boundaries rooted in compassion, parents can wire children for resilience, safety, and emotional regulation, shaping not just better behaviour, but healthier lives. Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is a mom, parenting educator, best-selling author, international speaker, and a regularly invited media guest. She holds a doctoral degree in psychology and practiced as a psychologist for nearly 20 years before devoting her full-time energy to connecting with parents and other “big people” around the globe in 2023. Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic, Dr. Vanessa has long supported families and children at her clinic alongside her team and has prior experience in community mental health and the school system. Dr. Vanessa is known for bringing a sense of nurturing understanding and humanity to all of her work. Her passion is in walking alongside parents, teachers, care providers, and other big people to really see the world through the child’s eyes. She believes that if we can do this, we are beautifully positioned to raise our children in the best possible way. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx