Ho un Disturbo Alimentare

I apologize in advance for posting this video, but I've reached such a low point that I feel the strong need to talk about it. In recent years, many people have focused on one thing more than anything else: my body, my weight, the fact that I've gained weight. It's almost become the first comment under every video. So I decided to talk about it directly, without filters, without playing the victim, but without pretending nothing's happening either. I started YouTube when I was 15 and weighed less than 40 kg. I was a different person, both physically and mentally. Growing up in front of a camera also means this: changing before everyone's eyes. Except that in my case, it wasn't just "growing up." In between, there were some tough years, constant stress, personal problems, and even significant psychiatric medications that I took and am still slowly weaning off. At a certain point, an eating disorder, specifically Binge Eating Disorder, entered my life. And no, it's not just "I like to eat." It's losing control, eating even when you're not hungry, often alone, and finding yourself feeling worse afterwards than before. It's a bad relationship with food that starts in the head, not the plate. In my case, food has become an outlet. I don't smoke, I don't use drugs, I don't drink anymore. Everything I couldn't manage in other ways ended there. And when you're always working in front of a computer, when you struggle even to take 10,000 steps a day, it's easy for that mechanism to worsen. When I was 15, I was always on the go, taking 30,000-40,000 steps without even realizing it. Today, life is completely different. In the meantime, I powerlift, I train seriously, I lift weights that many of the people I'm talking about will never touch. But apparently, this is secondary to the scale. And over the years, the comments have become increasingly harsh, with insults, mockery, and even live videos specifically designed to ridicule me, then deleted so as not to leave a trace (those infamous disappearing VODs). The funny thing is that now that I've started to get back on track, that I've been dieting for about a month and have already lost a few pounds, no one has noticed. And that's fine, because I'm not doing it for the commenters. I'm doing it for myself, to feel better, to perform better in sports too. I'm being treated, I've had therapy, I know what this problem is, and I know it won't be resolved in two weeks. It takes time. This video isn't meant to seek sympathy, but to put into context what you see from the outside. Everyone is free to think what they want. ▶ INCREDIBLE DISCOUNTS ON PAMPLING: https://bit.ly/3lZEPSe ▶ DISCOUNT CODE: JEMATRIA, in addition to getting a great shirt, you'll also get a free pair of socks. 🗨️ TELEGRAM GROUP: https://t.me/jematriachat 📼 SUBREDDIT:   / sottobosco   🗣️ DISCORD SERVER:   / discord   📱 TIKTOK:   / jematriaa   📸 INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/jematria/?h ▶ INCREDIBLE DISCOUNTS ON THE POWERGEAR WEBSITE: https://www.power-gear.it/discount/JE... ▶ DISCOUNT CODE: JEMATRIA for 10% OFF SITEWIDE