Nadie ve todo lo que aguantaste - Lorena Pronsky

No one sees everything you endured. They only see your final reaction. So excessive. So out of place. So violent. Irrational. A ball of emotions and feelings that coalesced and exploded into something very different from what they originally were. And suddenly what remains is no longer called Anguish Nor pain Nor anxiety Nor fear Nor unease Nor sadness Nor humiliation Nor weariness Nor exhaustion Nor frustration Suddenly In a single instant One is imprisoned Trapped Kidnapped Tied down By one's own emotions and then, A simple misplaced gesture, a smile at the wrong time, a final request, a new favor, a call at an inconvenient hour, a joke that ceased to be one, whatever it may be, is the finger in the soaked socket of rotten water, by a permanent, daily, constant drip that one feels as abuse Abuse of boundaries. Lorena Pronsky Abuse of kindness Abuse of empathy. Abuse of self-esteem. Until one day one stops tolerating what he tolerated and without feeling sick, vomits glass accumulated energy and shakes everything he touches. He vomits. And vomits. And no one understands what he ate. Because no one saw the process. Simply because no one saw it. So now, Everyone sees an explosion. And glass Glass everywhere Cuts everywhere An irreparable disaster And they call him crazy. And they judge him And they condemn him. And they don't forgive him And they ask him to return to where he was before. But it's too late. The madman doesn't want to. He doesn't want forgiveness. He doesn't seek forgiveness. He doesn't need forgiveness He doesn't feel guilt He feels air He can't understand how and why he endured so much That's why he cries. That's why. Out of exhaustion. For happiness Because only now is he breathing. is he dancing. is he shining. And that flame he managed to ignite after such an ordeal will never go out. Never again. The madman knows. He knows. That what he touched is the bell of sanity. He finally could. He finally could. Even though no one understands That what exploded Is the healthiest thing he did. That's why he's not coming back. He's not going back. Next time there won't be a trial. He won't eat glass. Next time he already knows how to say no. No No No And what a relief, isn't it? What a relief... Lorena Pronsky