What if grief isn't something you get over — but something you learn to live with?

We rarely talk about grief until it hits us. And when it does, most of us are completely unprepared — not just for the loss itself, but for how long it stays, how unexpectedly it returns, and how little the people around us know what to do. In this conversation, we explore what grief actually looks like — not the tidy, linear version we're told to expect, but the real thing: the waves that knock you over years later, the loneliness of grieving while the world moves on, and the strange process of learning who you are without someone who was part of how you defined yourself. We also talk about when grief gets stuck and what that means, why community can sometimes be more powerful than therapy, what to actually say (and do) when someone you love is grieving, and how loss — as unwanted and painful as it is — can quietly become one of the most profound catalysts for personal transformation. Because grief doesn't ask for permission. But understanding it might change how you carry it. I first met Lene at an art event. And what started as a chance encounter led to several meaningful conversations after in Bornholm and Copenhagen. And when she was preparing to launch her first book, she invited me to create her portrait, something that felt very special and gave me a window into the work she brings into the world. Lene is a psychologist, researcher, educator, and author whose work focuses on one of the most universal and often misunderstood human experiences: grief. She spent many years in the United States, where she completed both her PhD in Clinical Psychology and an MBA, before returning to Denmark to continue her work in grief research and support. She has an impressive academic background, but that is not what I find most compelling is the way she has chosen to speak about grief. Because so often, we think of grief as something to overcome, fix, or eventually leave behind. Yet through her work with bereaved individuals, her research, and now her book “Til dig, der har mistet” For Those Who Have Lost Their Loved Ones), Lene offers a different perspective. One that reframes grief not as a problem to solve, but as a natural response to love, loss, and being human. A perspective that replaces certainty with understanding, and quick solutions with compassion. In a culture that often encourages us to move on, Lene helps people make sense of what it means to move forward, where losing a loved one can maybe result in a profound reframing of one's identity, values, and meaning in life.. And today, we're exploring how our understanding of grief changes when we stop asking how to get over it and start asking how to live with it. 0:00 - Introduction 1:59 - How grief is perceived across cultures 5:31 - The myth of "moving on" — why grief doesn't have an end date 7:20 - Grief as waves: what that actually means 9:39 - When grief gets stuck and it's time to seek help 13:05 - Why community can matter more than therapy 16:47 - How loss forces a reframing of identity and life 17:52 - The dual process model: two paths through grief 20:22 - Post-traumatic growth and what loss teaches us about ourselves 23:25 - Grief beyond death — loss of health, identity, and life as you knew it 24:49 - A practical guide: what actually helps when you're grieving 28:22 - How grief differs even within the same family 32:24 - What to say (and do) when someone you love is grieving 35:04 - Where to find Lene and her book Idea and production Daniela Pacheco Branding www.danielapacheco.com Instagram @danielapachecofineart Lene Holm Larsen [email protected] www.leneholmlarsen.dk Thanks to Aura Copenhagen for the beautiful flower bouquet. https://auracph.dk/ Instagram @auracph