Your Neurodivergent Right to Take Up Space Is Real (But Safety Is Complicated)

WORKSHOPS all about practicing confidence! Find them at https://jendehaan.com So many confidence videos tell you to take up space because you deserve it, and almost none of them mention that safety in doing that isn't the same for all of us. Which is so important for those of us who are part of marginalized populations (neurodivergent ones being one of them). Add any other, layer more on, and safety is even more of a thing to consider. In this episode I talk about how to decide when to speak up, when to pass, and why both of those can be confidence. Your right to take up space is unconditional. Whether it's safe to use that right today, in that room, with those people, is a separate question, and it depends on things that have very little to do with whether you deserve it. I go through what blending in actually looks like for a lot of autistic and ADHD adults, including the small automatic behaviours you might not even count as masking, and where those behaviours got built through decades of being punished for being different. I separate low confidence from not wanting to be perceived, because they look identical from the outside and they need completely different things from you. Then I get into the questions I now run consciously before I decide to speak up, what to do with everything you chose to leave unsaid, and two things you can practise on your own where nobody's watching. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: Why staying silent in a room can be an act of confidence when you're the one who made the call The difference between a chosen pass and blending in, and how to tell which one you just did The questions to run before you decide whether speaking up is worth it What to do with the thing you saw clearly and decided not to say, so it doesn't turn into shame at 2am Why the room itself is the hardest possible place to build this skill, and where to build it instead CHAPTERS: 0:00 The confidence advice that leaves out one vital thing 1:56 What blending in actually looks like from the outside 5:20 Where these responses got built, and who built them 8:32 Two things that look identical and come from very different places 12:02 The improv back line, and why it changes the question 14:40 How I decide whether to engage or pass 18:08 The questions I now run consciously before I speak 19:18 A space I'm in right now where my values are getting hit 22:04 The option nobody talks about 24:36 What to do with everything you left unsaid 32:32 When you couldn't have spoken at all 34:13 Two things to try on your own with zero stakes RESOURCES & LINKS: Neurodivergent coaching (1:1): https://jendehaan.com/coaching Workshops: https://jendehaan.com/offscript/ Resources and blog posts: https://jendehaan.com Podcast version and regulation practice episodes: https://jendehaan.com/wired-divergent Newsletter signup: https://jendehaan.com/newsletters ABOUT: This show was recorded and edited by Jen deHaan in Canada. Jen is a neurodivergent coach, educator, and has certifications in nervous system regulation, developing healthy communities from Tufts university and is certifying as a professional coach with ICF. Learn more on her site at https://jendehaan.com/about. Footage taken in (and above) Errington, B.C. Canada. Some stock photography (open source, public domain, creative commons) as noted in description above. I respectfully acknowledge that I live and work on the unceded traditional territory of the Coast Salish peoples, and honour the homelands of the Qualicum First Nation and the Snaw-naw-as First Nation, as well as the ties of the Snuneymuxw and K'ómoks First Nations. I would like to express gratitude to these and all First Nations for their continued stewardship of these lands and waters where I create these episodes. DISCLAIMER: Wired Divergent is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. If you're in crisis or need clinical support, please reach out to a qualified professional. Crisis & Support Resources: https://jendehaan.com/mental-health-r... Full Disclaimer: https://jendehaan.com/disclaimer