10 EVERYDAY Things That HURT'S Your Toddler's FEELINGS (STOP NOW)

The mm hmm without looking up from your phone. The you're fine when she is clearly not fine. The "go give grandma a hug" you said before you even thought about it. The hurry up you said forty times before nine in the morning. The look how nicely Theo is sharing. These are the moments this video is about, the ordinary stings most loving moms hand their toddlers every single day, none of them rising anywhere near abuse or neglect, all of them quietly registering in a small body that cannot yet say ouch in a way you would recognize as ouch. This is a list of ten of those moments. The video walks through each one in turn, starting with telling her she is fine when she is clearly not, the edge in your voice at the end of a long day, forcing a hug at the front door, calling her shy or stubborn or dramatic in front of strangers, scrolling while she tries to show you something she is proud of, comparing her to her brother or to the kid at the park, rushing her through every single morning, turning her independent play into a quiz, sneaking out the door at daycare drop off, and scolding her in front of the other parents at the playground. None of these moments looks like much when it happens. But every one of them lands somewhere her body keeps a record of, and the video walks through what is actually going on developmentally underneath each one. The still face research from the nineteen seventies makes the phone scroll one different from how most moms see it. Doctor Becky Kennedy on naming feelings out loud changes how the "you're fine" reflex works. The observations from Maya and Inuit families on rushing toddlers reframes the hurry up loop most of us are living inside. The video is meant for the mom watching this at eleven at night with her phone tilted on her chest, the one who is trying to do this differently than it was done to her and quietly worried she is already failing. The point is not guilt. The point is the small handful of changes that actually move the needle, and the deeper truth underneath the whole list of ten. The pediatrician Donald Winnicott called it the good enough parent. A mom who misses, then notices the miss, and turns around to come back to her child is the mom her toddler is going to remember being raised by, not the moments her mom missed in between. You do not have to be a different person tomorrow. You just have to keep returning to her. Sources: Good Inside by Doctor Becky Kennedy. No Bad Kids and Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury. Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff. The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline by Doctor Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Doctor Laura Markham. The Still Face Experiment by Doctor Edward Tronick. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child on serve and return interactions. The work of Doctor Donald Winnicott on the good enough parent.