Alton Towers in 9 Minutes… Somehow

I gave myself nine minutes to show you my entire day at Alton Towers in 2026… somehow. One camp man, one theme park, eight roller coasters, nine minutes. This is the whole park at a full sprint - every major coaster, every dark ride, and one 49-year-old wondering why he’s doing it. We're straight into Nemesis, Wicker Man, The Smiler, Oblivion, Rita, Galactica and Thirteen, then the dark rides, Hex and The Curse at Alton Manor, before a lap of the gardens, the Towers ruins, and a over the top emotional detour through 40 years of memories. Along the way: Congo River Rapids, Toxicator, the Sky Ride, the Mine Train, Spinball Whizzer, and the monorail that hasn't worked properly since the Spice Girls were together. Is it a proper review? Absolutely not. Did I show you everything? Nope. But if you want Alton Towers in full, including the coasters and the pop culture references no one asked for...this is it. Whether you're here to plan which Alton Towers rides are actually worth it, or just to watch a grown man fail a challenge he set himself, you're in the right place. 🔥 Subscribe and join the adventure:    / @planetwhit   🎥 Watch Flamingo Land in 4 Minutes next:    • Flamingo Land in 4 Minutes… Somehow   🎵 Music & sound effects: Epidemic Sound – https://www.epidemicsound.com 🎥 Stock Footage: Envato – https://app.envato.com/ 📷 Black Hole photo by Jeremy Thompson, licensed under CC BY 2.0. Source: Flickr (Roller Coaster Philosophy): https://www.flickr.com/photos/rollerc... #PlanetWhit #AltonTowers #ThemeParkVlog #UKThemeParks #Nemesis