My dog is my date for Valentine's Day

I wish I could at least say he's a good listener... (he's not) website: https://adriabarich.com TikTok:   / adriaandoatmeal   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adriaandoat... Facebook:   / adriaoatmeal   YouTube:    / @adriaandoatmeal   Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/adriabarich Summary A humorous, self-aware Valentine’s Day monologue featuring the narrator and their golden retriever, Oatmeal—complete with faux-dinner antics, braces-related struggles, poop-eating confessions, long-distance dog romance (Oatmeal’s girlfriend Chloe), and loving exasperation. Highlights 🐾 Oatmeal “eats spaghetti” made of shaved carrots (“koodles”/“coodles”) while on a strict diet—and receives Skittles as a tongue-in-cheek Valentine’s gift (which the narrator can’t eat due to braces). 😅 The narrator hilariously debunks rumors of a romantic relationship with their sister, clarifies Oatmeal’s long-distance love life with Chloe, and jokes about the perils of kissing someone with braces. 🦴 Adult braces are a recurring comedic burden—requiring 20-minute post-meal wire-cleaning, garlic-laden spaghetti (toxic for dogs), and constant ASMR-style food negotiation with Oatmeal. 💩 A vivid, cringe-comedic origin story reveals Oatmeal’s lifelong obsession with coprophagia—including eating his own, cat, and sheep poop in 20 minutes—and the narrator’s resigned acceptance that he does it “for the love of the game.” 🍖 The “romantic” dinner culminates in a lamb chop surprise (Oatmeal’s favorite), followed by the narrator’s deadpan farewell—still fishing pasta out of their braces—as they affirm: “Peace and love.” Chapters: 0:00 Valentine’s Day dinner with my dog 0:10 Carrot “spaghetti” for Oatmeal (he’s on a diet) 0:19 Exchanging Valentine’s gifts 0:53 Eating pasta with braces struggle 1:37 Does Oatmeal have a girlfriend? 2:06 I’m single with adult braces 2:42 Braces food problems 3:02 Hiding a meatball in his pasta 3:42 Golden retriever boyfriend rant 4:19 Oatmeal eats poop (storytime) 5:25 The first day I brought him home 6:13 Puppy poop horror story 7:05 Valentine’s surprise gift reveal 8:01 Final thoughts + braces aftermath