My Son Asked for a Loan I Didn't Have

Somewhere tonight, a parent is reading a message from their grown-up child. It asks, politely, if they could lend some money. The hardest part is not the question. It is that the honest answer is there is nothing spare to give. This episode looks calmly at what people call the Bank of Mum and Dad, and at the quiet cost of saying yes. For a lot of families, helping an adult child is no longer a lucky extra. Around 28% of people aged 20 to 34 still live with their parents, roughly 3.6 million young adults, and more are turning to a parent when a month does not add up. Three in five parents of grown-up children now help them with money, and around a quarter of that help goes on the basics: rent, bills, food. Why do they say yes? For 47%, it is to protect their children from debt or hardship. For 46%, it is a strong sense of responsibility. This is not poor judgement. It is love doing what love does. But love is not free. Of the parents who help, 75% say it has affected them financially. More than a quarter have dipped into savings, one in eight have put less into their pension, and one in seven now expect to retire later than they planned. The phrase Bank of Mum and Dad makes it sound like there is a vault somewhere. For most families there is no vault. There is just a parent, deciding what to go without. And when the savings are not there, the money often comes from borrowing. In a single year, more than 170,000 people came to StepChange for debt advice for the first time. Sixty per cent were in work, carrying on average £15,672 of unsecured debt. A yes given with love can quietly land on top of a balance like that. If you are the parent who could not say yes easily, you did not fail your child. And if you said yes and quietly moved the cost onto yourself, you are one of millions doing the same. Either way, the shame is in the wrong place. Before deciding anything, it can help to see the true cost to your own future first. MoneyHelper offers free, government-backed guidance on lending within a family. StepChange and Citizens Advice offer free, confidential debt advice. This video is a documentary exploration of money pressure and is not financial advice. Subscribe for more calm explanations of money, debt, and modern life in the UK. Figures in this episode were fact-checked on 25 June 2026. Sources below. Sources used in the episode: 28% of people aged 20 to 34 living with their parents, around 3.6 million young adults: ONS, Families and Households, 2024/2025. Three in five parents help their adult children financially; around a quarter help with the basics; 47% help to protect children from debt or hardship; 46% from a strong sense of responsibility; 75% say it has affected them financially; more than a quarter dipped into savings; one in eight put less into their pension; one in seven expect to retire later: Standard Life / Opinium survey, January 2026 (n=4,000). More than 170,000 first-time StepChange clients in a single year, 60% in work, average £15,672 of unsecured debt: StepChange Statistics Yearbook, 2024.