Colin Parkes - Grieveing and Mourning: The Psychology of Bereavement

Following a major bereavement episodes of intense pining for the lost person tend to alternate with periods of disorientation and a need to change basic assumptions about the world. It is proposed that the pining reflects persistence of the urge to cry for and to search for a lost person, that is rooted in a deep-seated instinct having survival value. Alternating with these 'pangs of grief' is increasing awareness of gaps in the assumptive world and consequent disorientation. These are particularly problematic when the loss is sudden and unexpected. All instinctive behaviour is modified by learning and much research has shown that patterns of attachment to caregivers in early childhood give rise to persistent assumptions about relationships that may undermine security and persist into adult life; these influence the response to future losses. Insecure attachments underlie clinging, avoidant and helpless patterns predisposing people to prolonged or avoided grief and/or depression. Each of these requires a different therapeutic intervention. Other factors influencing the response to bereavement include gender and cultural differences some of which favour inhibition and others displays of mourning. In one study people seeking help for complicated grief were assigned at random either to an intervention feeding emotional expression or to one focused on cognitive problem solving. Given a choice the men would probably have chosen the cognitive therapy but in the event men benefited most from sharing their grief while it was women who benefited more from the cognitive approach.