Reacting to Father Mike Schmitz's "Beyond No" Gay Talk

I'm reacting to Father Mike Schmitz's talk "Beyond No: What the Catholic Church Has to Say About Same-Sex Attraction" from SEEK 2020. I spent years listening to his talks, read his book, and worked with him at a conference. He's a genuine guy. I want to react to what he's saying and how these words actually land with someone who's Catholic and gay. Father Mike says "marriage is not a remedy for loneliness." I get what he's saying, but Genesis says "it's not good for man to be alone." Marriage isn't there to complete you, but to pretend marriage isn't a huge help in addressing loneliness, to pretend being in a relationship isn't incredibly stabilizing—that's dishonest and dismissive. Father Mike compares gay people to his 53-year-old unmarried sister who never had the opportunity to marry. This example has never resonated. A woman attracted to the opposite sex still has potential and hope for a relationship. For someone experiencing same-sex attraction exclusively, there's no hope or possibility. But deeper: the church says that desire for marriage is good and healthy. For LGBT people, that desire is wrong, disordered, oriented toward intrinsic moral evil. Father Mike says "it might be different by degree but it's not different in kind." People are literally saying "this isn't the same" and he's telling them "no, it is the same—life's difficult, everybody's difficult." That's incredibly dismissive. Father Mike says we can't make it "us and them." But we have World Youth Day, marriage prep, letters to artists. We engage specific groups and don't think twice. For whatever reason he's pushing back when it comes to LGBT people. Jesus highlighted different people—Samaritans, tax collectors, the woman at the well. Those labels weren't to bring division but to understand diversity in the body of Christ. Father Mike talks about someone asking "who's going to drop me off at the airport when I'm old?" His response: "most people don't get the privilege of growing old." That's callous. Where's the compassion, respect, and sensitivity the catechism tells us to show? Jesus responded with compassion, not "you might die tomorrow." Father Mike talks about concupiscence and carrying crosses. But the church says experiencing same-sex attractions is not itself sinful. If it's not sinful, why aren't we just talking about the call to holiness generally? Why focus on overcoming same-sex attraction? I used to think being gay was my cross, my struggle, my testimony. I moved through high school, college, and five years as a missionary thinking this was what I needed to overcome. But when I came out and accepted this is just part of my life, I realized I'd been making it a bigger deal than God ever had. God just sees me as his child and loves me. Being attracted to men doesn't impact my ability to love God, myself, or my neighbor. Catholics tie up heavy burdens and don't lift a finger to carry them. How are you carrying the burdens of LGBT people? How is the church creating space where LGBT people feel loved, lifted up, cared for? For me and so many LGBT Catholics, I don't feel that most of the time. 00:00 Introduction: Reacting to Fr. Mike's "Beyond No" Talk 02:00 Marriage IS a Remedy for Loneliness (Genesis Says So) 04:01 The Unmarried Sister Comparison Doesn't Resonate 08:00 "It's Different by Degree, Not by Kind" Is Dismissive 11:23 Us vs. Them: Why Catholics Engage Other Groups but Not LGBT 16:00 How Are You Carrying the Burdens of LGBT People? 18:02 "Who Will Drop Me Off at the Airport?" "You Might Die Tomorrow." 22:02 Everyone's Lonely—What Are We Going to Do About It? 25:23 Carrying Your Cross vs. Not Making Something Unchangeable Your Cross 33:23 Trust Jesus? That Language Was Harmful to Me 40:00 It's Not a Wound That Needs Healing 42:46 Catholics Need to Listen, Not Dismiss — MORE FROM EMPTY CHAIRS — Empty Chairs exists because of support from people like you. If you enjoyed this video, please consider supporting this work. Thank you! Donate Here: https://www.empty-chairs.org/donate Empty Chairs website: https://www.empty-chairs.org/ Empty Chairs on Instagram:   / emptychairshome   Empty Chairs on TikTok:   / emptychairshome   #catholicism #catholicchurch #lgbtcatholics #gaycatholics