Long-Term Sobriety, Relapse, and the Cosmic Joke of Recovery With Katie Hingle

What if the survival skills that you develop in childhood - the performing, the achieving, and the self-abandonment for the sake of appeasing others- are the exact habits quietly keeping you feeling stuck in adulthood? This actually happens to everybody in one form or another, and we're going to talk about how to break some of those patterns. Today I sit down with Katie Hingle, founder and CEO of Lavish, and a woman in long term recovery to talk about how she is working through her own survival patterns. I’ve known Katie for decades, and always admired her, not just because she’s so accomplished as an executive at Adobe, and now the CEO at her own company, but because she is a woman of faith, service and integrity. Katie is one of those shining examples of someone who has done real work - not just recovery from alcohol, but the untreated perfectionism, people-pleasing, and codependence underneath it. But before we jump in, I just want to share with you that because June marks 10 years of the One Day at a Time podcast, I am going to be doing something a little different In the upcoming weeks. I am going to do a series of episodes focused on early recovery. This will be for those who are simply wanting to take a break from alcohol, those who are sober curious and don’t want to go to AA, or those coming back after a period of drinking. I want you to know that no matter where you are in your journey, I am here to support you with a safe space for coming to your own conclusions. In today’s episode, you'll learn: • How to recognize when your survival mechanisms have become your biggest liability • Why resentment is the root of the devolving process in recovery and relationships • The concept of collateral growth - and why doing your own work changes everyone around you And • How recovery principles translate directly into building a business and showing up in relationships So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Katie. Guest Website: lavishexperienceco.com 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes! 0:00 - Introduction: Arlina introduces Katie Speaker 1:00 - Katie's background at Adobe and decades in leadership 2:30 - Being a surrogate mother to twins 3:00 - Books that helped in early recovery: Emmett Fox, Marianne Williamson, A Course in Miracles 6:00 - Pride in reverse: being "the best at being the worst" 7:30 - Lightning round: guiding principles and mantras 8:00 - "You can start your day over anytime" - and how Katie taught this to her kids 9:00 - Asking for help as a lifelong growth edge 10:30 - How survival skills develop and why they eventually backfire 11:00 - The blankie story: a childhood moment that explains everything 13:00 - "Wound worshiping" - the double-edged sword of asking why 15:00 - Living with paradox and Richard Rohr's daily meditation 17:00 - Mr. Rogers, human nature, and holding two truths at once 18:00 - Workaholism as an addiction and the daily balancing act 19:00 - The "boiling water" metaphor: recognizing self-will before it takes over 21:00 - The Serenity Prayer as a written decision-making tool 22:00 - "Power follows the blame finger" - and how to take your power back 24:00 - Katie's daily self-care routine and twice-yearly silent retreats 27:00 - What she wishes she'd known: "It's not linear" 29:30 - "The cosmic joke is you were always okay" 30:00 - Childhood: a judge father, a teacher mother, and family alcoholism 32:00 - A chaotic childhood friendship and learning to thrive in chaos 34:00 - Why she started drinking: first drink at age eight 36:00 - Consequences that led to seeking help 38:00 - The turning point: finding community and getting honest 41:00 - What led to the relapse: three years in the making 43:00 - The relapse itself and finally getting honest 44:30 - "If you tell yourself nobody knows, you're calling yourself a nobody" 45:00 - Telling husband Dan and what happened next 46:30 - Resentment as the root of the devolving process 48:00 - Four years ago: dealing with untreated codependence 49:00 - "Collateral growth" vs. collateral damage 50:00 - Moving cross-country from California to North Carolina 53:00 - Launching Lavish: an emotional concierge experience company 57:00 - Applying recovery principles to entrepreneurship 1:00:00 - The genesis of Lavish: start with feelings, not logistics 1:02:00 - Closing reflections and how to find Katie