my last 14 days of college

Only a week has passed since we graduated. To no surprise, the infamous grad sad has not hit me yet, and I don't know if it ever will, at least in the form of huge outbursts of tears and desperation thinking that my life has officially peaked and that it is all downhill from now on out. As I looked through this video before hitting upload, it's crazy to me that I will never be able to experience this again. The ease of seeing Steven dj out of the miple, sleeping in my beautiful 303 with Cordy, or even waiting in line for Baccalaureate to begin. I will never experience any of this again. I will never be able to go into the kitchen and to always see Ana and Lupita again, or to go skydiving just because of a random conversation during some random Mars lunch. I will never be just a college student living her life in college. I've watched hundreds of people roaming through the streets of SF this week and I can't help but wonder how these strangers have their lives all figured out, and why they look so happy when one of my biggest joys has just ended. I am confused about where to go next, who I will meet, and what purpose I will live by. It feels like I've been dumped into an ice bucket and here I am trying to regulate myself and bring structure to a situation that is inherently structureless. It's daunting to think that this is the new chapter of my life, a chapter which I don't know the ending of at all. There isn't much reflecting I can do right now beyond thinking about how different life will be and has already become. I just wish that all the people I've come across to love in these past 4 years are able to enjoy life just as much as they did here (and ideally even more than before) and that I can see them again. This past year has truly been one of the happiest years of my life and I am really sad to let it go. I have never been more spontaneous, carefree, positive, and loving. I hope to carry these qualities with me wherever I go, and I pray that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.