If You Walk Off Stage and Immediately Start Tearing Yourself Apart, This Episode Is for You - Ep. 10

Have you ever walked off stage after a performance or audition and immediately started tearing yourself apart? Fixating on the one note you didn’t like? Replaying every tiny mistake? Convincing yourself the whole thing was terrible, even when everyone else loved it? This episode is about that spiral. And if you’ve experienced it, you are SO not alone. Today we’re talking about something singers are especially prone to after performances, auditions, juries, competitions, or really any moment where we stand up in front of people and share our voice. The funhouse mirror effect. We (meaning singers) are especially prone to this because, as singers, we never have a true feedback loop with our instrument. We can’t hear our voices the way other people hear them. And when vulnerability, perfectionism, insecurity, or emotion enter the picture, our perception can become completely distorted. In this episode, I share what (shockingly, TBH) happened to me immediately after my most recent solo recital, when I found myself fixating on two tiny mistakes in a two-hour performance and started spiraling into ridiculously harsh self-talk that honestly had no connection to reality. We’ve gotta talk about it because I see this happen to singers constantly. It comes up in my studio all the time, and I’d honestly lost touch with just how awful it feels to experience. I also share the exact practical exercises I used to pull myself out of it and get back into a grounded growth mindset instead of staying trapped in the spiral. Including: the somatic “star shape” exercise I use with my students who struggle with this a simple way to name positive things about your performance without deflecting the journaling exercise that immediately shrunk my mistakes back down to their actual size and helped me get back into a growth mindset Real Talk: If you stay stuck in that funhouse mirror mental spiral, it can slowly erode your confidence, your joy, your growth, and even your relationship with singing itself. This is serious stuff. And as your bel canto bestie, I’m not gonna let that happen to you if I can help it. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why singers are especially vulnerable to funhouse mirror-like self-perception after performing • Why singers never have a true feedback loop with their own instrument • What the “funhouse mirror effect” actually is and how it distorts your thinking • The body-based star shape exercise to interrupt the spiral in the moment • How to name positive things about your performance without deflecting or minimizing • The simple list-making journaling exercise that helps shrink mistakes back down to their actual size • How to flip post-performance spiraling into grounded growth for the future • Why staying stuck in negative self-talk can slowly damage your relationship with singing Chapters 0:00 Welcome to The Aligned Singer 1:01 Why singers are especially vulnerable to post-performance negative spirals and self-criticism 3:08 The funhouse mirror effect: the negative spiral that erases everything you did well 6:52 My shocking reconnection with this terrible feeling after a recent solo recital 13:49 Practical tools: what to do when the spiral starts 19:21 The star shape exercise: naming three positive things about your performance 21:29 Taking it deeper with this simple list-making journaling exercise 26:00 How to use the negative spiral and flip it for growth in your future 31:21 Real talk about the danger of staying stuck in the spiral 34:21 Closing, pep talk, and connect with me Links & Resources Voice Studio Website https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com Performing Website https://www.sarahhawkey.com Instagram   / voiceteachersarah   TikTok   / voiceteachersarah   Subscribe for more episodes of The Aligned Singer, where we connect the dots from where you are to where you want to be in your vocal technique, mindset, and your singing life.