If You Can't Parent A Jealous Dog, Don't Bother Having Kids | Mommy Issues Podcast

When I was younger, I was so desperate to have a dog. Luckily, my mom understood that as a thirteen year old with a social life, I was in no position to take care of a dog. So now I have a girl asking my mom and I what to do about her dog becoming jealous every time she's about to have sex with her boyfriend. I've been in a somewhat similar situation but this is a little more complex than just readjusting the direction of the doggy crate. Let's see if my mom and I can offer her some sound advice on this episode of the Mommy Issues Podcast. Tour Dates & City Requests: https://www.lucaszelnick.com/ 00:00 We Used To Crate Her When We Had Sex 01:19 The Dog Will Not Stop Barking & Getting In Between Us When It's Time For Coitus 03:36 Let's Talk About You're Horribly Deprived Childhood 04:47 Pranking Me During Finals 07:12 This Is Not A Fun Memory From My Childhood 09:54 So I Should've Bit More? 13:49 Tried To Play With The $250 Robot Dog 16:05 You F***ed With Me A Lot On April Fool Day 20:19 She Would Cry While We Had Sex. The Dog, Not My Girlfriend. 23:22 Their Dog Is In The Bedroom 26:10 What Percentage Would You Say Had Affairs In The Marriage? 31:07 I Did Sleep With A Girl With A Wiener Dog 34:13 If Can't Parent Your Dog, Don't Have Kids 35:44 Doing A Lot For A Creature That Doesn't Appreciate It 42:33 So Where Are We With The Dogs? Follow Lucas: Instagram:   / lucaszelnick   TikTok:   / lucaszelnick   Edited by   / uninstall.this   Thumbnail art by   / uninstall.this   LUCAS ZELNICK is a stand-up comedian born, raised, and based in New York City, who challenges his cushy upbringing through punch-heavy material. Lucas’s stand-up clips have exploded online, where he has received over 100M views and 500K+ followers across Instagram and TikTok. In 2022, Lucas established a strong baseline for himself as a touring comedian, selling out 8 shows at Zanies Chicago. That same year, he appeared in SF Sketchfest and as a guest on Amazon Prime Video’s Sports Talk. 2023 was a breakout year for Lucas: he headlined the New York Comedy Festival, taped a secret set with Don't Tell Comedy, and taped his Comedy Central debut for Season 14 of Comedy Central Stand-Up Featuring. For no particular reason, he also holds an MBA from the Stanford Graduate School of Business. #lucaszelnick #podcast #advice #standupcomedy #crowdwork #comedy #standup