Come superare il bisogno di approvazione degli altri

How to overcome the need for approval from others? Intro (00:00) Suffering arises from the rigidity of irrational thoughts. The most painful thought I encounter when working with people is the need for approval. I find it in various forms: "I have to please others." "I have to do things perfectly to be successful." "Others shouldn't think badly of me." These, however, aren't concrete and real facts! They are the stories each of us tells ourselves, which become demands and demands of ourselves. These are the very ones that end up hindering our choices, like changing a job we don't like or letting go of a toxic relationship. At its core, there's only the judgment: "I'm wrong." Therefore, believing these stories and not letting them go makes you feel bad. Be kind to yourself. Needing the approval of others probably once helped you, perhaps to be accepted into a group of friends. Today, however, you can begin to question the usefulness of this thought and detach yourself from it. Especially if it makes you feel bad. Why do we need the approval of others? (4:52) The need for approval is a fundamental human need. Having the approval of loved ones in the family or of your bosses and colleagues at work makes you feel recognized and appreciated. This feels good! However, when you experience the need for other people's approval as the sole basis for your self-esteem, to feel okay, you risk: Always stepping aside for others. To please everyone, you have to accommodate their requests, and this requires so much effort and energy that you can no longer dedicate to yourself. Settling for less, even if you want more. You don't ask, however, so as not to disturb or be a burden (otherwise they might reject you). Forgetting who you really are and what makes you happy. Exercise to overcome the need for approval (5:27) A constant need for validation therefore leads to dissatisfaction. It makes you feel the frustration of having to wear clothes that don't feel like yours. The result is that when someone gives you approval, you won't accept it because you know they're not loving you, but the role you're playing. So I'll leave you with an exercise. Whenever the need for approval prevents you from doing something, write down your requests on a piece of paper. (For example: "I'm not changing jobs because I don't want to disappoint anyone.") Follow these steps: Listen to yourself. What do you feel when you believe this thought? Challenge the thought. Ask yourself: "Is it true? Is there a universal law that says so? Do I have counterexamples that can prove the opposite?" Imagine who you would be without that thought. Answer: "Who would I be without this thought? How would I feel?" Reframe a new thought. Don't think in terms of need, and express the same thought as a preference. “I want to change careers and would like the support of my loved ones. But I don't need their consent to do so, because I know my worth and I know I don't fit in here.” Let the new emotion take root. Let the new thought work within you, and welcome the new emotions it evokes. How do you feel now? This exercise will help you validate what you truly feel and give yourself permission to value yourself and follow your choices. It will make you feel in control of your life and that you are your own source of certainty. In conclusion (8:17) The need for approval stems from a story you tell yourself that leads you to believe you are wrong. Letting go of it and reframing it more in terms of your own preferences will help you overcome the need for validation and no longer seek the approval of others. Want to support the channel? Subscribe and get access to extras:    / @sebastianodato   ➡️ Join the Telegram community, where you can receive all my content and exclusive tips. It's free and you can unsubscribe at any time: https://sebastianodato.it/telegram ➡️ Would you like to have practical tools that will help you build self-esteem and confidence, transforming sensitivity into your strength to build deep relationships and establish your place in the world? Apply for the first free call of my #3mesiperaffirmarti program: https://sebastianodato.it/percorso 📚 Recommended books for your relationship affirmation and fulfillment: https://sebastianodato.it/libri ➡️ Do you want to actively participate in the project by supporting Dato che ci sono? You'll have access to tools reserved for backers, answers to your questions, and courses. Go to https://sebastianodato.it/patreon ================================================================================= FOLLOW ME ON: ➡️ Blog: https://www.sebastianodato.it ➡️ Facebook:   / sebastianodatoformazione   ➡️ Instagram:   / sebastiano_dato