i am — laudna’s song

are these my hands? is this my skin? is this the place where i begin? am i a tree? am i a leaf? is autumn coming for me? i feel i’ll be pretty as i fall to the ground beneath i had a dream, i think, of pain and when i woke i had no name no words to speak, no heart to beat nobody coming for me maybe they’ll remember in the spring til then, i’m good at hiding i am not a haunting i am not a memory i am not a bad thing i’m asking you to see me don’t scream there is a voice inside my head it means i’m useful, though i’m dead i give her hands, i give her feet she says she’s waited for me i need her dearly i’m alone it’s nice to have the company sometimes i sit and seasons pass i sing with birds and speak with rats i start to see: i am a dream nobody’s waking for me that makes it easy i’m alone just my voice to guide me i am not a being i’m not fair or lovely i am not a light thing still i want you to like me don’t go is this a trick? is this the dream? i meet a girl who doesn’t scream she takes my hand, i touch her cheek she says i bring her relief she calls me music i could cry the voice inside me writhes are these my hands? or are they hers? i have the mouth, she has the words i’ve torn the seam, i’m on the tree nobody’s coming for me — they come to get me i could cry i feel alive i am not a puppet i’m no longer empty i’m afraid to touch it but i have power inside me it’s mine for making mine to be the voice will work for me i’m in my body, in my skin i pick the place where i begin i am the tree, i am the beast i am the music, the sleep i am the beauty in between