優しい人は一番怖い。怒らせたら終わり【仏教の教え】

There are many important points to consider when building good relationships, such as "first impressions" and "conversational skills," but there is one point that is especially crucial when you want to deepen those relationships over time. People who have mastered this point are able to build trusting relationships that can last for decades. Conversely, if you are able to get along with people you meet for the first time but have difficulty building long-lasting relationships, you are probably missing this point. So what is this point? It is the "attitude when 'doing kindness' and when 'being kind'." How do you feel when you are kind to someone? And how about when others are kind to you? The attitude we have in this regard can dramatically improve or deteriorate our relationships. Buddhism teaches us this: [Never forget the kindness you have received, never remember the kindness you have given] When someone does us a kindness, we feel grateful and uplifted, and we feel the need to say thank you the next time we see them. However, after a few days have passed, our feelings of gratitude fade, and we may forget to express our gratitude when we meet the person later. This means that although we initially felt grateful when they showed us kindness, we forget about it within a few days. When we are in a particularly difficult situation and someone extends a helping hand, we feel truly grateful and resolve to repay the favor someday. However, humans are cold-hearted creatures, and once we are out of a difficult situation, our feelings of gratitude quickly disappear, and we become careless in expressing our gratitude or returning the favor. This attitude can hurt the other person's feelings and cause relationships to deteriorate. To prevent this from happening, the Buddha warned us, "Never forget the kindness you have received." Next, what does it mean to "never remember the kindness you have given"? When we occasionally show kindness to someone, we remember it forever. We always have the feeling that we did "that thing" "at that time" "to that person." So when the other person doesn't thank you in a satisfactory way, it can make you feel annoyed, wondering if they're taking it for granted. "I went to so much trouble and did so much for that person," you think, and get annoyed every time you see that person's cool expression without even saying thank you. This irritation comes from a mind that keeps remembering the kindness you've shown. In Buddhism, there's a concept called "sanrinku," which teaches you to empty and forget these three things: "I did this for this," "I did that for that person," and "I did this for that person." Buddhism teaches that it's because we're unable to forget these three things, and keep remembering "I did this to that person," that we become irritated and suffer. That's why we're warned not to remember the kindness you've shown. Today, I've talked about the key points to keep in mind when you've shown kindness and when you've received kindness, in order to build lasting relationships. Taking kindness for granted and remembering kindness you've given is the root cause of poor relationships. Conversely, living a life where you never forget to be grateful for kindness you've received and easily forget or even think about kindness you've given is the root cause of good relationships. Therefore, when we show kindness or receive kindness, we should pay close attention to our own inner state and ask ourselves, "This is it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Click here for the 20-part free email course. ----------------------------------------------------------------- https://peraichi.com/landing_pages/vi... ↑The free email course reveals the answer to the Buddhist teaching about the "meaning of life." Register and receive a bonus booklet, "Five Common Misconceptions That Keep You From Being Happy!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- Subscribe to my YouTube channel here -----------------------------------------------------------------    / @bybuddhism   ----------------------------------------------------------------- A community where you can ask Ryuta Kikutani questions "Reiwa Gobo" ----------------------------------------------------------------- https://reiwagobou.com/ ----------------------------------------------------------------- About me ----------------------------------------------------------------- Dropped out of Waseda University in 1988 to pursue a career as a Buddhist lecturer. Received a Buddhist lecturer certification from the Jodo Shinshu Shinrankai sect and began giving public lectures across the country. Started an email newsletter in 2010, writing for one of the largest Buddhist newsletters with 12,000 subscribers. Since 2014, I have also been providing video lectures for online courses connecting the entire nation. -------------------...