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Dependent Relationships In the emotional relationships we experience, connection is essential, but whether there's a connection between you—commitment or dependence—this difference will affect the direction and quality of your relationship. Commitment is the desire to stay with someone and the state of not considering other options. In other words, being content with your partner as they are is commitment. Dependence, on the other hand, is the state of being unable to live without them. When you think about being dependent on someone or something, the first adjective that comes to mind is probably powerlessness. Simply put, it's the inability to live without them. I'll explain what this powerlessness means for your partner in a moment. How do you know you're dependent? Let's take a look at this. If you can't bear to leave despite knowing the relationship is harming you. If you constantly put your partner's needs before your own to avoid losing them. If the thought of a potential breakup is frightening. If thoughts of being alone are frightening. These are all signs of addiction. So, what happens when we become dependent? Several theories emerge here. The first is that parents don't allow the child to become autonomous during the child's independence-building period, typically around age 1-2. Children who are constantly subjected to interference and made to feel powerless develop the misconception that they need someone else's help to survive, and this belief haunts them throughout their lives. The second theory suggests a genetic transmission of anxiety. However, the crucial point here is to consider whether such anxieties are present throughout life or are focused solely on a specific person. A person may be quite successful and powerful in their daily lives, but dependent and needy in their relationships. The third part involves learning. Especially in Eastern cultures, women are viewed as weak and submissive, while women are subservient to men and subservient, so this same submissive cycle may persist in their relationships. Almost all of these theories share fairly consistent views regarding the reasons for developing a dependent relationship. So, let's consider how this situation affects their partner. Evolutionarily, we've learned that men are hunters, while women are builders and protectors of the home. So, do you think it's desirable and attractive for a woman to be helpless, needy, and dependent, when men are hunting, to be entrusted with protecting their home and children? We know that most men want their wives to be subservient and one step ahead. Of course, this isn't you; some do, but there you go :) This situation isn't normal, of course. Because the process we call evolution is a process of change. If you see women as your great-great-grandfathers saw them during this process, perhaps you haven't evolved. Change is happening everywhere. Unfortunately, a devaluing or objectifying attitude towards women fosters this addictive nature. While partners of addicts seek a strong, self-sufficient partner, they also reap the reward of a partner who will meet all their needs and come running when they say "come." That's why addiction is difficult for both partners, unfortunately. If you can't break this cycle, it's unfortunately difficult to overcome it. So, how can this be treated? First, you need to correct the false belief in your mind that you can't live without someone. Be aware of the suggestion you're giving yourself. You're unknowingly hypnotizing yourself with the negative hypnotic suggestions you're giving yourself. I realize this isn't easy, which is why people come to sessions for weeks. But question the "can't live without him" disaster scenarios that keep swirling in your mind. For example, do you have any evidence for why you can't? The question you should ask yourself is, "How can I live without him?" While answering this question, you also need to ensure you haven't found someone else to depend on. You can break your addiction into smaller pieces and work on overcoming them one by one. Don't try to do everything at once. For example, first, you could just stop stalking him. Second, you could cut your calls in half. Third, you could reduce your dates or requests. Start with the easiest one and work your way up to increasingly difficult tasks. In other words, create a challenge. As a society, we love challenges because they're so common.