141. Healing Trauma Isn’t About Calming Down

In this episode, I’m taking a do-over. Over the last few years on Mayhem, I’ve talked so much about trauma, nervous systems, hypervigilance, emotional regulation, and healing after narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma. But the more I’ve learned from daughters, from the Mayhem Daughters community, and from our first in-person retreat, the more I’ve realized I want to simplify how I think about healing and what actually helps people heal. In this conversation, I’m sharing how my understanding of trauma healing has evolved and why I no longer believe healing happens entirely through insight or isolation. We talk about: Nervous systems and childhood trauma People pleasing, hypervigilance, and self abandonment Why “just calm down” doesn’t work for daughters Connection, community, and relational healing Secure attachment and why shows like Shrinking resonate so deeply The mother wound and allowing safe people to love you well Why healing happens inside of relationships, not outside of them This episode is for daughters of narcissistic and emotionally limited mothers who are trying to understand themselves, feel safer in their bodies, and experience healing in a more connected, human way. Join Mayhem Daughters (mayhemdaughters.com/community)

140. How to Set Boundaries When You’re Afraid of Losing People
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140. How to Set Boundaries When You’re Afraid of Losing People

137. Why You Still Feel Unsafe After Going No Contact With a Narcissistic Mother
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137. Why You Still Feel Unsafe After Going No Contact With a Narcissistic Mother

Golden Retriever Meets Completely Broken Rescue for the First Time
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Golden Retriever Meets Completely Broken Rescue for the First Time

A Realization About Life That Will Set You Free | Eckhart Tolle
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A Realization About Life That Will Set You Free | Eckhart Tolle

Never React, Never Explain, Just Ignore | Gabor Maté's 7 Dark Psychology Tricks
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Never React, Never Explain, Just Ignore | Gabor Maté's 7 Dark Psychology Tricks

Migraines, prevention and treatments
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Migraines, prevention and treatments

My Son Texted: “Dad Can’t Join the Cruise — My Wife Wants Only Family”
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My Son Texted: “Dad Can’t Join the Cruise — My Wife Wants Only Family”

104. “Was It Really That Bad?”: Remembering Childhood Trauma Later Doesn’t Make It Less Real
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104. “Was It Really That Bad?”: Remembering Childhood Trauma Later Doesn’t Make It Less Real

She’s 12. She Sings Aretha Franklin… Until Simon TELLS Her to Do It Acapella! 😳
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She’s 12. She Sings Aretha Franklin… Until Simon TELLS Her to Do It Acapella! 😳

Why Narcissist Hates Your Love (Ohrid Seminar, May 2026)
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Why Narcissist Hates Your Love (Ohrid Seminar, May 2026)

110. The Messy Middle: Grief, Anger, & Self-Trust In Healing from a Childhood Mother Wound
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110. The Messy Middle: Grief, Anger, & Self-Trust In Healing from a Childhood Mother Wound

115. After a Narcissistic Smear Campaign: Telling the Truth Isn’t the Question
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115. After a Narcissistic Smear Campaign: Telling the Truth Isn’t the Question

Sharon Stone’s complicated grief: ‘It’s okay for me to feel free from my mom’
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Sharon Stone’s complicated grief: ‘It’s okay for me to feel free from my mom’

Vitamin D Expert: The Fastest Way To Dementia & The Big Lie About Sunlight!
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Vitamin D Expert: The Fastest Way To Dementia & The Big Lie About Sunlight!

Spine Surgeon Drowns for 30 Minutes —Comes Back With a List
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Spine Surgeon Drowns for 30 Minutes —Comes Back With a List

Never Break an Empath… The Consequences Are Brutal
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Never Break an Empath… The Consequences Are Brutal

When Animals Surprise Photographers in the Sweetest Way! 😍
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When Animals Surprise Photographers in the Sweetest Way! 😍

Why Narcissists Don’t Have Real Conversations
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Why Narcissists Don’t Have Real Conversations

134. Daughters, We’ve Got Ourselves a Broken Heart
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134. Daughters, We’ve Got Ourselves a Broken Heart

112. Finding Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse: Healing Identity, Rage, and Grief
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112. Finding Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse: Healing Identity, Rage, and Grief